


Comforting Gestures

by Aaronlisa



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-04
Updated: 2013-01-04
Packaged: 2017-11-23 16:30:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/624229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aaronlisa/pseuds/Aaronlisa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during the first season, after Jesse has egged her he's the only one to comfort her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comforting Gestures

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dunderklumpen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dunderklumpen/gifts).



After the events in the parking lot, when Vocal Adrenaline had left her covered in tears and eggs, Rachel had somehow made it home on her own where she had managed to wash off the eggs when her doorbell rings. It's with some anxiousness that she answers the door; she doesn't think that she can handle any more visitors today (not even members of New Directions who might be sympathetic but sure to tell her that they had told her that this would happen.)

When she opens the door, Rachel stills for a brief moment before she tries to slam the door closed. However her previous inaction had given Jesse St James the opportunity to put his body between the door and the frame so that she can't slam it shut. She glares at him, refusing to invite him in, refusing to even say anything to him. The last thing that she wants is any of his honeyed words or false apologies. Whatever it is that they had was nothing more than a bunch of lies.

"Rachel please, you have to understand what happened," Jesse finally says. 

She can't hold back the bitter laughter that escapes her mouth. She knows exactly what happened: Jesse St James had made his choice. He had picked Vocal Adrenaline over her. She doesn't want to hear his apology since it's a familiar one that she's heard far too many times this year at school from boys who were supposed to like her: Finn, Puck, Finn again and now Jesse. She's quite sick of it to be honest. 

"I _know_ what happened Jesse. You picked your team over me, obviously they wanted you to prove your loyalty and commitment to them so you egged me to prove that I meant nothing to you," Rachel flatly tells him. "What more is there left to say?" 

"My scholarship depends on me being with them," Jesse tells her. 

"I hardly think that's the case and even if it was, we both know that your parents can afford to send you to any school that you want to attend," Rachel says.

"Please let me in," Jesse says. 

"No!" Rachel shouts at him. "I don't want to hear what you have to say, I don't want to hear your apologies. You did what you had to do and I was expendable." 

She hates herself when she starts to cry. But she can't help feeling hurt that yet another boy has chosen something else over her. Her dads keep telling her with each heartbreak that when she's out of high school and in New York, she's going to find someone who will appreciate her for who she is. While that's great to know, Rachel wants to know why can't a boy like her for who she is _now_ , why can't a boy just pick her over everything else for once. She backs up and tries to turn away from him, which gives Jesse the chance to slip into her house. 

His arms slip around her and as much as she _hates_ him for what he's done, she can't deny the comfort of her arms one last time. The irony of the fact that she's crying because of _him_ isn't lost on her. 

"I hate you," Rachel mutters against his chest. 

"I know," Jesse says as he holds her tighter. 

" _This_ doesn't change a thing between us." 

"And it shouldn't," Jesse tells her. 

He kicks her front door close with his foot and Rachel allows him to guide her to room upstairs. She doesn't resist when he sits down on her bed or when he pulls her down on his lap. The fact that he had been invited into her heart, her home and her life only for him to shun it should only make her want to yell and scream at him. A part of her does but the fact that he's offering her comfort is something she needs more than her anger. 

Her dads are both away on business and no one in New Directions is trying desperately to comfort her. She suspects that when she has to face them again, there will be more _I told you so's_ than there will be any real comfort. There's no one there to tell her it will get better than the person who made it worse. Rachel buries her head in the curve between his neck and shoulder as she tries not to inhale the scent of his cologne. No doubt tomorrow, he will go back to his team and have a good laugh at her expense. Right now is just for her and that's all that matters. 

"Nothing's going to change between us," Rachel tells him. 

"I know Rachel," Jesse tells her. "I know." 

And even knowing that, even hearing his resignation in his voice, makes her hurt. She shifts so that she's straddling his lap and she looks at him. Instead of seeing his normal arrogant facade, she sees a vulnerable boy. Rachel's not sure what to believe. She's not sure if this is just another act to get from her what he wants from her or if it's the truth. Rachel bites her lower lip before leaning forward and kissing him. It's an indecisive kiss, as if she's asking for permission for something. 

For a moment, they're both still, lips pressed against each other when he grips her hips. His fingers bite into her sensitive skin as he pulls her closer before taking control of the kiss. It's the most real thing between them, it's more real than when she decided she'd give him her virginity, more real than all of his planned out seduction, more real than when he egged her in the parking lot. 

He groans when she shifts in his lap and she bites his lower lip. _This_ is supposed to be about her, not about him and she wants him to know that she doesn't give a damn about his feelings. Why should he when she was nothing more than a pawn for him. When his hands slip beneath the soft cotton of her t-shirt, Rachel knows that they should stop but she's powerless. She doesn't want to stop, she doesn't want to stop from feeling like she still matters to him even after everything that he's done. 

"We should stop," Rachel murmurs against the curve of his neck. 

Jesse makes a sound of agreement as he falls back on her bed, pulling her down with him. He kisses her again and again and for a few minutes Rachel allows him to make her forget everything with his mouth and hands. She stops him when he tries to pull her shirt off. There's a fine line between letting him comfort her and letting him take advantage of the situation. She might still want him but she's not going to give in so easily. 

"I said we should stop," Rachel repeats herself as she rolls off of his lap. 

"Rach, it doesn't have to be this way," Jesse says. 

She can tell that he's carefully put the mask on again. Whatever honesty was between them is hidden away and she can play this game now. It doesn't matter how she feels or what she wants from him, it's nothing more than a game between them right now. One that she's determined to win. 

"I think you should leave," Rachel tells him "Finn said he was going to come over after glee to make sure I was okay." 

Jesse stands up and runs a hand through his tousled curls. 

"Did you ever think that the reason why we don't work out is because you're always so concerned about Finn?" Jesse asks. 

"We didn't work out because you were only _acting_ so my concern for Finn doesn't really matter." 

"Maybe I wouldn't have gone back if you had acted like you cared about me half as much as you care about Finn Hudson." 

"Stop it!" Rachel tells him. "Stop making this about me and Finn, _you_ did this, Jesse, not me, not Finn. You're the one who betrayed me in the first place. What we had wasn't real, not for one second of it, you don't get to act all hurt by my actions."

Jesse sighs. "At least you admit that if things had been normal, you weren't that much of a saint." 

"It doesn't matter," Rachel tells him. "I think you should leave now." 

"No it doesn't matter at all," Jesse says. "You do know that even as you're getting ready to run back into Finn's arms that he doesn't deserve you, that he'll never understand you." 

"Maybe but it's hardly any of your concern anymore." 

She shows him to the door, where he stops once again. He doesn't say anything as he wraps his arms around her again and gives a her a kiss so fierce that it bruises her lips. This is goodbye, maybe forever and it hurts far more than her pathetic little break ups with Finn and Puck. 

After he leaves, Finn shows up all full of anger on her behalf. He doesn't even notice that her hair is mussed up or her lips swollen from kisses. His attempts to comfort her are clumsy and weak. It's nothing like Jesse's actions. At least with Jesse she had felt somewhat comforted, with Finn she has to ask herself if his anger is more over the fact that Jesse had attacked her or if it's about Vocal Adrenaline attacking New Directions. Rachel doesn't ask that question instead she allows Finn to awkwardly hug her as she tries to push out the image of Jesse when she had shut the door on him. 

((END))


End file.
